Thank you "Digital Mage"! Who ever you are IBM: Trouble with Linux. Linux Users: Oh no - what kind of trouble? IBM: One on't shared codes gone owt askew on base code. Linux Users: Pardon? IBM: One on't shared codes gone owt askew on base code. Linux Users: I don't understand what you're saying. IBM: [slightly irritated and with exaggerated clear accent] One of the shared codes has gone out askew on the base code. Linux Users: Well what on earth does that mean? IBM: *I* don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble with Linux, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of SCO Inquisition. [JARRING CHORD] [The door flies open and CEO Darl McBride of Santa Cruz enters, flanked by two junior members. Chris Sontag has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang is just Cardinal Fang] Darl McBride: NOBODY expects the SCO Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to money.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. [The Inquisition exits] IBM: I didn't expect a kind of SCO Inquisition. [JARRING CHORD] [The SCO Group burst in] Darl McBride: NOBODY expects the SCO Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to money, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! [To Chris Sontag] I can't say it - you'll have to say it. Chris Sontag: What? Darl McBride: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...' Chris Sontag: [rather horrified]: I couldn't do that... [Darl McBride bundles them outside again] IBM: I didn't expect a kind of SCO Inquisition. [JARRING CHORD] [The SCO Group enter] Chris Sontag: Er.... Nobody...um.... Darl McBride: Expects... Chris Sontag: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the SCO...um... Darl McBride: Inquisition. Chris Sontag: I know, I know! Nobody expects the SCO Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect - Darl McBride: Our chief weapons are... Chris Sontag: Our chief weapons are...um...er... Darl McBride: Surprise... Chris Sontag: Surprise and -- Darl McBride: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges. Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit copyright infringement against the SCO Group. 'My old man said follow the--' Chris Sontag: That's enough. [To Linux Users] Now, how do you plead? Linux Users: We're innocent. Darl McBride: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! [DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER] Chris Sontag: We'll soon change your mind about that! [DIABOLICAL ACTING] Darl McBride: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Chris -- the rack! [Chris Sontag produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Darl McBride looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger] Darl McBride: You....Right! Tie them down. [Fang and Chris Sontag make a pathetic attempt to tie them on to the drying rack] Darl McBride:Right! How do you plead? Linux Users: Innocent. Darl McBride: Ha! Right! Chris, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn. [Chris Sontag stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders] Chris Sontag: I.... Darl McBride: [gritting his teeth] I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake. Chris Sontag: I... Darl McBride: It makes it all seem so stupid. Chris Sontag: Shall I...? Darl McBride: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha! [Chris Sontag turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack] [Cut to them torturing a man, Linus Torvalds] Darl McBride: Now, Linus -- you are accused of copyright infringement on three counts -- copyright infringement by thought, copyright infringement by word, copyright infringement by deed, and copyright infringement by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess? Linus Torvalds: I don't understand what I'm accused of. Darl McBride: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Chris Sontag! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS! [JARRING CHORD] [Chris Sontag holds out two ordinary modern household cushions] Chris Sontag: Here they are, lord. Darl McBride: Now -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of copyright infringement, reject the works of Linux -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance. Linus Torvalds: I don't know what you're talking about. Darl McBride: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Chris! Poke him with the soft cushions! [Chris Sontag carries out this rather pathetic torture] Darl McBride: Confess! Confess! Confess! Chris Sontag: It doesn't seem to be hurting him, lord. Darl McBride: Have you got all the stuffing up one end? Chris Sontag: Yes, lord. Darl McBride [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! He is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR! [JARRING CHORD] [Zoom into Fang's horrified face] Fang [terrified]: The...Comfy Chair? [Chris Sontag pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one] Darl McBride: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Chris Sontag! Put him in the Comfy Chair! [They roughly push him into the Comfy Chair] Darl McBride [with a cruel leer]: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Chris Sontag] Is that really all it is? Chris Sontag: Yes, lord. Darl McBride: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, man. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess! Chris Sontag: I confess! Darl McBride: Not you! http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=03/06/13/1532217 ################################################################### Enjoy, Curtis.