Here are the required XKCD comics on the topic.
https://xkcd.com/1654/
https://xkcd.com/927/
Here is where I found those links.
https://kdeldycke.github.io/meta-package-manager/index.html
This looks like it the solution to this problem, but it doesn't include
CPAN among the package managers. I assume I can add CPAN to the list.