Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium. If you can't beat your comptuer at chess, try kickboxing. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot- proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -- Rich Cook Microsoft is a cross between The Borg and the Ferengi. Unfortunately, they use Borg to do their marketing and Ferengi to do their programming. -- Simon Oke Microsoft is not the answer, it is the question. The answer is "No!" The three "R"s of Microsoft: Retry; Reboot; Reinstall ERROR MESSAGE: Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for their program's shortcomings. HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE: Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software. HELP: The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the Help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning a thing. PROGRAMMERS: Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons and memorized 'Star Trek' episodes; now millionaires who create 'user friendly' software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies. -- -- ----/ / _ Fred A. Miller ---/ / (_)__ __ ____ __ Systems Administrator --/ /__/ / _ \/ // /\ \/ / Cornell Univ. Press Services -/____/_/_//_/\_,_/ /_/\_\ fm@cupserv.org